The sound of thumping mixed in with heavy breaths, repeated.
Her footfalls were drawing closer, and with every stride they became a loud . The resounding pressure of her racing towards me felt like an imprisonment that flooded me with the desire to move my legs faster, subtlety (of course). After all, if she was going to pass me, I was going to make her work for it.
Evidently, she didn’t have to work that hard because she passed me with grace and ease. As I watched her blonde mass of hair move to and fro, I began walking to humbly accept my own defeat, domination, and the reminder I was weakened by my laxness with workouts.
It has been awhile since I went running outside. The “dreadmill” (aka treadmill) became my only alternative for not wanting to suffocate on deep breaths of chilly autumn air. Additionally, high-intensity-intervals at home became my closest ally for days when I didn’t want to make the uphill walk to the gym.
Some days I ask myself what happened, where I lost my power and my drive. If I managed to lose nearly twenty pounds, why was I putting a halt to my hard work so suddenly?
When I was left behind in the blonde ponytail’s fading shadow, I felt that power and that drive rise up in me again. A little voice I hadn’t heard in a long time told me “You can do this. Change is uncomfortable, but you’re so close – don’t give up on yourself.”
I’m not ready to give up. I never was and I never will be. I might have “cheat” meals, or I might make a mistake when I let my emotions make my dietary choices, but there’s always tomorrow. It’s certain I don’t want to fall into the habit of making promises for a new day, but I know it is certain that I am bound to make mistakes and not be the Tone It Up poster-girl I want to be so badly. Simply because nobody is perfect!
I’ll give it my all: train hard, eat clean, work towards getting to my redefined goal weight and seeing myself in the shape I’ve always wanted to. And as much as I hated being passed up by another runner that I knew ran longer and harder than I did, a small part of me thanks her for giving me the motivation I needed to get back to where I wanted to be.